Saturday, March 26, 2016
All I Want is A Day
Saturday, March 26, 2016All I want is a day with myself. No, not a simple day of pampering and relaxation. Not one of those typical "me" days you see fr...
All I want is a day with myself.
No, not a simple day of pampering and relaxation. Not one of those typical "me" days you see from people. I also don't want a day where people make me feel special, I have my birthday for that or national women's day or whatever holiday you can think of that uplifts a specific social class from the others. I don't want a day FOR myself, I want a day WITH myself.
Okay, so you now might be having cryptic thoughts and probably measuring how much of a lunatic I am, because how in the world can I spend a day with me?
You see, being with someone doesn't always require a physical presence. Sometimes, all you need is a thought that you are spending time with a person who is important to you. And in this case, it's me. It's not that I don't feel important or that I don't receive love and affection from other people because I do. I really do. It's just that I find comfort in being alone and detached from people.
I want a day where I'm fully in control of what I want to do and where I want to go. If I would be given that day, I'd go somewhere, probably a province or whatever, somewhere far (but not too far cos I only have 24 hours) where nobody knows me. I would turn off my phone (okay, maybe I'd just put it on airplane mode cos i'd still need the music lol) and disconnect from the internet so nobody could contact me, I would bring a notebook and a pen, though, so I can write down everything. What would I do in a far place, detached from people I know, detached from technology, and alone? I don't know. I like the feeling of uncertainty. It would be nice to not have a plan for once. Since everything in my life is laid out in front of me, patterned in my mind, and planned out, I'd like to not be sure of something. Anything. I don't know what I would do or where I'd end up, but I know one thing. I know that by the end of that day, I'd feel closer to myself. I don't know if you'd understand me, but for some reason, being with people everyday and not having time to myself AT ALL somewhat detaches me from myself and attaches me instead to the people I spend time with. I don't want that. When I'm with people, I'm always restricted. I'm always holding back. There's always something I'm not comfortable with. And maybe that will never change, but whatever happens, I always want a break away from people. I want time with myself because only here will I feel unguarded and relaxed.
I just want a day where nobody will talk to me. A day where I don't have plan. A day where I'm in control. A day where I'm alone. Alone, not lonely. There is a difference. I just want a day. Just one day will do.
No, not a simple day of pampering and relaxation. Not one of those typical "me" days you see from people. I also don't want a day where people make me feel special, I have my birthday for that or national women's day or whatever holiday you can think of that uplifts a specific social class from the others. I don't want a day FOR myself, I want a day WITH myself.
Okay, so you now might be having cryptic thoughts and probably measuring how much of a lunatic I am, because how in the world can I spend a day with me?
You see, being with someone doesn't always require a physical presence. Sometimes, all you need is a thought that you are spending time with a person who is important to you. And in this case, it's me. It's not that I don't feel important or that I don't receive love and affection from other people because I do. I really do. It's just that I find comfort in being alone and detached from people.
I want a day where I'm fully in control of what I want to do and where I want to go. If I would be given that day, I'd go somewhere, probably a province or whatever, somewhere far (but not too far cos I only have 24 hours) where nobody knows me. I would turn off my phone (okay, maybe I'd just put it on airplane mode cos i'd still need the music lol) and disconnect from the internet so nobody could contact me, I would bring a notebook and a pen, though, so I can write down everything. What would I do in a far place, detached from people I know, detached from technology, and alone? I don't know. I like the feeling of uncertainty. It would be nice to not have a plan for once. Since everything in my life is laid out in front of me, patterned in my mind, and planned out, I'd like to not be sure of something. Anything. I don't know what I would do or where I'd end up, but I know one thing. I know that by the end of that day, I'd feel closer to myself. I don't know if you'd understand me, but for some reason, being with people everyday and not having time to myself AT ALL somewhat detaches me from myself and attaches me instead to the people I spend time with. I don't want that. When I'm with people, I'm always restricted. I'm always holding back. There's always something I'm not comfortable with. And maybe that will never change, but whatever happens, I always want a break away from people. I want time with myself because only here will I feel unguarded and relaxed.
I just want a day where nobody will talk to me. A day where I don't have plan. A day where I'm in control. A day where I'm alone. Alone, not lonely. There is a difference. I just want a day. Just one day will do.
