I've always been the kind of person who has difficulty opening up to people. Whether it be about my thoughts about something, my opinions, and most especially my feelings, I prefer to keep it hidden. It's not because I fear rejection, judgment, or an opposing point of view, but simply because I'm not comfortable. It's not because I'm immature either. Being open and dead honest doesn't come with maturity, it's somehow programmed in personality. And I'm just too much of a, for a lack of better word, secretive person to open up entirely. Maybe this is why I write. For me writing has always been more of an outlet than merely an activity to pass time. 

I've decided to make my site as much of an open diary as possible. Since I rant in  my head, and writing with a pen and paper slows me down and my train of thought usually leaves me hanging (and my hand hurts if I write really long), I might as well voice out my thoughts here.

During the past years, I meant for this site to be an inspirational site full of inspirational blogs for people to read. But eventually I realized that I don't really have a large audience, and limiting my posts to a certain theme makes me feel held back. So it's best to transform it to a personal blog. I think this time, I really can blog regularly because I'm not limited anymore. I literally can write about anything and everything I want, when I want, and where I want. I don't know why I've only thought of it now, but better late than never!

If ever I want to write an inspirational (or whatever kind) of article that I want a large audience to read, I'd just submit it on Thought Catalog and pray that it gets published on my page there. The link to my TC profile is on my sidebar btw!

So this is to kick off the transformation of my blog, and I really hope I can learn to break down my walls and open up my thoughts and emotions here, instead of bottling it all up.

And besides, the first month of the year is always the most inspiring time for a new beginning.

2015 was a year full of remarkable lessons, decisions, and experiences and I'm more than grateful for each one. Looking back, I realized that there really is something good within all the bad. Always. And that anything you pray for will eventually be given to you, in the right time.

The first quarter of 2015 was the time when I decided to end a relationship that didn't make me happy anymore. A relationship where everything felt like intrusion and routine, not affection and spontaneity. And though it wasn't easy, it was right. It was right to let go of what kept holding me back. It was right to let go of what was hindering me of becoming a better person. It was right to put myself first. It was right, and it felt good. After that, I promised myself to never settle for anything less than what I know I deserved. I kept praying to God to never lead me to a person that wouldn't be good for me. And He didn't. I will spare you the details, but He led me to someone who made me a better version of myself. That was one of the highlights of my year, and one of the many things that I will forever be grateful for, because not only did that decision led me to become someone better, but more importantly, it made me happy.

2015 was also the year when I knew that I have grown as an individual, mentally and emotionally (and physically, but that's stating the obvious. lol).This was the year that I decided to get a job while studying, not just to gain money for myself, but also to gain experiences that would help me in building my character. This was the year when I knew that I have developed a sense of independence and a certain amount of strength to do things on my own, and to realize that I, alone, really am enough. But since God is so good to me, He surrounds me with people that support me in whatever I decide to do. And again, I am thankful.

Another highlight of 2015 was losing someone very important to me. My grandfather. Growing up, I was really close to him. And losing him at an unexpected moment was heartbreaking. However I know that this is one of the experiences that helped me grow as a person. This was one of the experiences that made me realize that life isn't always going to be the way I want it to be, but it's life, and avoiding the pain won't let it go away, facing it will. Like they say, the only way out is through.  Eventually, I've learned to accept that my grandfather is gone, and although I miss him at times, I know that it was willed to happen and that my grandfather's death can be the birth of a stronger me. And for that experience, I am thankful.

The year that passed really was, for me, a rollercoaster ride. There were lots of problems and hardships and difficult times that I had to go through, but I wouldn't trade all those for a worry-free existence. Three to four years ago, at the peak of my teenage life, I would've just drowned myself in tears and cry over every problem that I face. I would've locked myself in a depressed state of mind because I wouldn't know what to do. But as I grew older, I realized that, as cliche as it may sound, everything happens for a reason. It's how we react upon those events that leave a mark in our lives. We always have the choice to  mourn over every bad thing that happens, or to stand up and use those experiences to gain strength. This is the reason why I don't pray to God to remove all the things that might cause me pain. I don't pray for Him to stop all the bad things that happen in my life, but I pray for Him to give me strength to endure all these. And He did. He still does. And I have the faith that He always will. The year that passed not only taught me to be strong despite all the troubles, but it also taught me to appreciate what I have. Not because others don't have it, but because I do. I learned to appreciate what I have not by comparing myself to others but by simply reflecting on my life. I also learned (and applied) that the way we think largely affects us. So we should always try to be as optimistic as we can, and the good will follow. Most importantly, I learned that as long as we maintain a strong relationship with God, everything goes right. Even the bad becomes good, and the good becomes better.

To cap it all off, 2015 was a year of growth, acceptance, and improvement. I can say that personally, it was one of the best years of my life, and I cannot wait for what 2016 has in store for me now that I've learned to become fully in control of myself, and my life.