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Friday, September 23, 2016

Above All Else, Guard Your Heart

I've been pondering on this bible verse lately, because lately I've been feeling down and insecure. I'm trying not to be petty and sensitive, but there are just things that always trigger my self esteem issues that I'm also trying very hard to hide and bury. There are times I always feel really bad because I don't feel good about myself.

I grew up in a household where people always tease me, make fun of me, and criticize me for fun and jokes. I didn't mind, actually. I am really, genuinely okay with it. BUT I realized that as I grew older, the more I wanted to hear people compliment me at the very least. Maybe because I never hear it from my family. And don't get me wrong, I'm not easily pissed off when it comes to the people close to me, like my family. But when I hear it from others, I'm honestly really bothered. When I hear people pointing out or emphasizing what I'm insecure about, I easily get sensitive. I don't want to be, that's why sometimes I try to hide it, but still, it bothers me for the longest time. Especially when I'm trying to look good or when I'm trying to do better things. I just wanted someone to appreciate me for the things I do, even though there are teasing and jokes in between, I wanted someone to tell me genuinely that I'm doing a good job, or that I'm appreciated, my efforts are appreciated. God, I just wanna be appreciated. Because I'm trying. Really hard, sometimes.

This is why I'm very careful when it comes to treating other people. I always make sure that I don't bother them. I always make sure that I don't hurt their feelings, because I know what it feels like. This is why I'm scared of saying what I feel and think, because it might bother the people I'm talking to. Maybe this is why I always write about helping people feel good about themselves. Because I don't want them to feel the same way. One of my weaknesses is caring more about others than I care about myself, and sometimes it's a good thing. But I hope I learn that I need to listen to my own advice sometimes.

So since I can't help feeling like this, I am going to guard my heart. Not in the way that I won't open up to people, but in a way that I filter the things that I absorb. I filter the things that make me sensitive. I will guard my heart in a way that I will not dwell on the things that make me feel bad about myself.

Monday, September 19, 2016

The Truth About Mistakes

There are days when you just feel like a failure. Not in the sense that you never do anything right, but in the sense that you always do things right and no one sees them... and when you do one thing wrong, somehow, everybody points it out and remembers it.

There are also days when you feel bad for being the person in the other side of the story: the one who points out someone’s mistakes and fail at the attempt to applaud the better things they do.

I’m going to spare you the cliché (but true nonetheless) conclusion that we should learn from our mistakes and apply those lessons in the future. I’m going to spare you the old but gold belief that failures are our stairways to success and how defeat is essential to feel victory. What I want to give emphasis to, however, is how I’ve noticed that people have tendencies to open their eyes more on the bad things than the good ones when it comes to evaluating others.

I’ve always been the kind of person who, when really angry or hurt, never talks back, because I believe that we shouldn’t act upon our anger in that way. I’ve always been the kind of person who has trouble saying what he or she feels because it might offend someone. I never want to offend anyone, intentionally or not. The only way I deal with my anger and hurt is to calm down and let them pass. So, every time somebody points out the wrong things I do, which is rare compared to the right things, I choose to keep quiet and just listen to their altered judgment of who I am as a person, defined by the dot-sized mistake I made that masked the positive actions I’ve accomplished. And when all of these happened, I realized what I really wanted.

I didn’t want people to put me on a pedestal. I didn’t want people to disregard my mistakes in an attempt to make me feel better. I didn’t want people to reward me for every good gesture I do. I wanted people to accept me as me. Along with all my flair and my flaws, and the positive and the negative. I wanted people to accept the fact that the kind, overachieving, overly respectful, quiet me can coexist with the reckless, gullible, anxious me. I only wanted people to know that I can be a living contradiction. And I wanted them to learn to live with that. It’s okay that people blame me for not living up to their expectations… as long as they don’t overlook the efforts I’ve made in struggling to do otherwise. I only wanted people to accept that life is a combination of the good and the bad, in the same way people are. And what I want people to do for me, I want us all to do for each other.

So, the truth about mistakes is that, even when they’re inevitable, they are also subjective. Mistakes aren’t always a failed attempt at doing something. Most of the time, mistakes are the proof of the exertion of full effort. Mistakes are subjective because sometimes, what to you is a mistake, to others is an accomplishment. What to you is failure, to others is success. This is the exact reason why we shouldn’t allow others to let our mistakes define us, and why we shouldn’t define them through theirs. We should all try changing people’s perspective about making (and finding fault in) mistakes. Let me leave you with the first advice to do so:

Instead of criticizing people for what they’re not, appreciate them for what they are.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Building Your Self Esteem: Some Beauty Trends Don’t Suit You, and That’s Okay

In this generation, it's been all about the trends. In the world of fashion, there are people teaching you where to buy and how to wear your clothes, people teaching you how to stock your wardrobe. There are videos and photos and articles of how you can style yourself, and how you can pull off the latest trends. In another aspect, there are people teaching you how you should do your hair, people teaching you how you should prettify your face. People teaching you how you can be beautiful. Again, there are videos of tutorials to show you how you can improve your face. Even selfies have standards these days. Before you take a photo of yourself, you must make sure you have good lighting, nice filters, and a perfect fish gape.

Why do we feel the need to follow these trends?

Even when we feel uncomfortable in these trends, we tend to put that aside and still follow them. This is because as humans, we have the natural tendency to want to please society and to fit in in the sense that we would be just like every one else. And people are naturally scared of being different. We are scared of being judged because of being different that's why we blindly follow these trends.

Why do we sometimes fail to follow these trends?

Wherever you go and whatever you do, there will always be people who will make you feel inferior. Personally speaking, I feel very uncomfortable wearing sleeveless clothing because I feel insecure about my arms. Every time I see a petite girl wearing a decent tank top, I get jealous of how she can pull it off and not me. I also feel uncomfortable doing a fish gape in photos because of how my teeth are positioned. I feel awkward wearing heels because I'm tall enough without them. I'm telling you all these things because I want you to know that everyone goes through the same thing. We all have some things we don't like about our bodies, and when there are trends that tend to emphasize these body parts, we immediately feel insecure because we can't keep up with them. It's about time you stop stressing about not being able to keep up with trends and realize that maybe you're better off without them.

So what can you do?

I'm not saying that you should stop being insecure, I know that's not easy. What I'm saying is that you only need to accept that some trends may not look as good on you as it does on others. More importantly, know that following trends is not as important as you think it is. You shouldn't feel guilty for falling behind a new trend because following it would make you uncomfortable. In any case, even in one as light as this, always put your well being on top of the list.

Cropped tops. High waisted shorts. Leggings. High heels. Ombre hair colors. Winged eyeliners. Contact lenses.Thick eyebrows. Full lips. Long nails. Fish gapes. And many, many more. At one point in time, you will find yourself struggling to keep up with any of these trends. At one point in time, you might think that you're not pretty enough to pull off thick eyebrows and full lips like celebrities do. At one point in time, you might feel like you can't pose right for a selfie. At one point in time, you might think you're not thin enough or thick enough for the right clothes. When you find yourself at this point in your life, tell yourself one thing: It's okay. It's okay not to follow the trend when you feel uncomfortable. It's okay to wear what makes you feel good. It's okay to wear your make up in any way you want, or not at all if that's what you prefer. It's okay to wear your hair in a ponytail, or let it down. It's okay to dye your hair pink if that's what you want. It's also okay to not dye your hair. It's okay to smile wide in a selfie. It's okay not to smile in a selfie. It's okay to wear glasses instead of contacts. It's okay to do things exactly your way. It's okay to refuse trends.

But don't forget that it's also okay to follow these trends, if that's what makes you comfortable. It's not wrong to watch tutorials on how to be prettier, how to wear and where to buy clothes. It's not wrong to seek advice on how we should dress. It's not wrong to follow trends as long as they don't control your life and become the basis of how value your beauty. So yes, it's okay to follow these trends... Even if society tells you that you don't look good in what you're wearing, as long as you think otherwise, it doesn't really matter.

Bottom line is, always remember that you don't have the obligation to look good for anyone other than yourself, so go and do whatever the hell you want... as long as you feel good about what you're wearing and what you're doing, regardless of whether or not they fit in the trends, eventually your insecurities will find their way out of your system, you can fully embrace confidence, and you will be genuinely happy about yourself.

Above All Else, Guard Your Heart

The Truth About Mistakes

Building Your Self Esteem: Some Beauty Trends Don’t Suit You, and That’s Okay

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